Paying off Debt

I am greatly in debt. I have sinned against my Savior even since I have accepted the forgiveness. My ongoing question is this: what does it mean to be a slave to righteousness? I have been a Christian for over seven years and sometimes I fear I am still a slave to sin, a slave to my flesh. I am greatly in debt.

My debt ranges from the continuation of living by the flesh, all the way to doing things for my righteous being. So, if I am a sinner saved by grace, how is it that sometimes I still choose to sin against my Savior? If I am choosing to sin against Him, then there is no way that I am a slave to righteousness.

My reaction? Although subconscious, it is still my reaction. I have tried to do right. I have acted as righteous. I have performed acts that people have seen as righteous. I have tried to conform myself to what the world wants to see as righteous. I have tried to go without mistake, however, any ongoing sin will be brought to justice. My sin: doing right, trying to work out my own righteousness and not the righteousness of God. My sin is my attempt to pay off debt, not necessarily for the good of God, but for my own good. I feel torn like Luther was torn in his search for salvation. He served God after making a deal with Him. "God, get me out of this storm alive and I'll become a monk." Luther was a man of extremes. He was the best monk there ever was, praying more, studying more, doing everything more than the other monks. But why did he do it? He realized he despised God. He did not love God. He did not do the things he did because he loved God, but because he wanted to secure his salvation.

Luther is a major factor for why the church is the way it is today. He sought to inform people of justification through faith and not by works. Works are a proof of faith, but faith must come first. Works are the fruit of our faith in God. I am not going to go into now what it is to have faith.

So, how do I become a slave to righteousness. I do good, I have faith, but I do not feel as if I am doing this all for God. I want to be a good person. I don't want people to be disapointed in me, and I definitely don't want to hurt anyone. But this is my selfishness showing. I am to be selfless.

I think it may come down to just reflecting on how in debt I am to my God. While I was still a sinner, He died for me. He DIED. And I was still a sinner. I am still a sinner today, but now I am a sinner saved by grace. His grace is enough. His blood has already cleansed me of my debt. I cannot pay off the debt. But I can live my life for Him. The only way I can receive God's grace is by declaring bankruptcy. I am so indebted to my God that I cannot get myself out of this hole I dug deep. It is His grace that is sufficient for getting me out of the debt. There is no payment big enough to get me out of this debt other than the payment Christ made on the cross.

I want to be a slave to righteousness, but first, I must declare bankruptcy for my sin.